Sunday, August 30, 2009

ahreahreahre??? today I have to do these things:

- Paperwork
- Get ready for school
- Books
- Plan classes
- Make Mother's CD
- Make Mother's DVD
- Laundry
- Organize Clothes
- Organize Drawers
- Organize Closet

Among other things. WTF!

Monday, August 24, 2009

BEWARE! Creepy thing up next.
Did you ever see one of those videos where you are asked to look for, or follow a specific thing through out the video? Then, at the end, they reveal that as you were watching, something large and intrusive moved around in plain sight and you never even noticed it.

Its frightening how often that happens, like how I just moved from the doorway into your room as you read this.


I found a link to this site from a forum. And of course I had to check it out because...well it's called Creepy Pasta. That pretty much explains it all. I mainly read it at work, but yesterday I started to read it at home. Thank God I read the above one at work, because if I had read it at home, I would've started to cry like a baby.

The site is basically a bunch of short stories (ranging from a few lines to a few paragraphs) of really creepy (for lack of a better word) stuff.

Some of them were kinda cool in how scary/creepy they were, so I wanted to share. Lolz. Once I get home I will probably watch a nice anime and do a new post with food pictures, so as to try and get the images out of my head.

Check it out, if you dare!


That was weird. Hermmmm....I wonder if I should share my Mother storyyyy....

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

một mùa thu trước mỗi hoàng hôn, nhặt cánh hoa rơi chẳng biết buồn, nhuộm ánh trăng tà qua mái tóc, tôi chờ người đến với yêu thương

I just went through my collection of Random photos and...there's nothing I wanna use that would match this post! That means!!! I need to take more pictures.

OK! So Georgia. This trip was relatively good. In one van we fit Thao, Tina, Thuy, me, Thien An, C. Mai, A. Phat, A. Phong, and C.H. I know...that's a ton of people! But the van was pretty big, so it was nice. We stopped by Eden Center to buy a lot of food. The ride itself was just eating, sleeping, and watching The Omen. I don't know what the hype is about that movie, it wasn't scary at all! I had also rented Darkness Falls but we never got to it so I'm going to watch it tonight with Dolores. Lolz. So we get to Georgia and everything goes pretty fine. My group was nice. I don't think there were any mean people, just some stupid ones, but who cares. I was at first extremely attracted to this guy named Jimmy, because, well duh, 'cuz he was cute! But then we had a "sharing" moment that we had to do and I found out some things about him that was cool, like his motivation and why he's in TN and stuff. Compared to him, I'm just kinda normal, there. But anyway, he has kind of a bad boy vibe, which of course I'm attracted to. But then after being in his group for awhile, I realize he wasn't that great. He's kind of an idiot sometimes but, it's not something that's major. I feel as if, if he and I were friends, I'd probably be really sarcastic to him. And I wouldn't say that we'd argue a lot but, we would probably get annoyed with each other a lot. But anyway, there was also this other guy in our group. He was cute too. But he was quiet, and really nice. Kind of flirty nice, if you know what I mean. There was also this other guy, not in our group. He looked like a badass. Mohawk, not the shaved on both sides kind, his hair was just parted like a mohawk. Tattoo!!! We noticed him because during the pretest, he came over and asked if he could join us. Lolz. But anyway, Thuy and I talked to him a bit during one of the lessons, because we sat in the back. It was nice. He was really nice. Lolz. He added me on Facebook but he has a girlfriend. Of course, that wouldn't stop me usually, but it also doesn't help that he lives in Georgia. Lolz!

So the big points. I was extremely worried about teaching my lesson. We were supposed to have 10 minutes but they only gave us 5-7. I started mine and I thought I had so much time left, but then the HT in charge had to tell me I was out of time. Then he gave me an extra 2 minutes, but I knew I wouldn't be able to finish everything in time so I just stopped. Anyway, apparently I did really well. I was glad. The HTs that were watching us to critique us said that I reminded them of someone else from California, I guess she's good? And then one of them said that if I continue regularly with TN, in another 1, 2 years I'd be....I guess he couldn't find a word for it because he just gave me a bunch of thumbs ups. Lolz. But as he gave me the thumbs up, the kids in my group yelled out DOAN TRUONG DOAN TRUONG! Which was kinda awkward because A. Phong was sitting right next to us and he's our current Doan Truong. Lolz. But about A. Phong, I knew he was sitting there to watch me! HMPH! Anyway, the ppl in my group also liked my confidence and enthusiasm. Which is funny because I actually seem more confident when I'm really nervous. Heck knows that when I got up there I could feel my voice was about to crack but, for some reason that translates into smiles and laughs and cheeriness. Lolz. So anyway, the teaching thing went well.

The Big Game, went OK. We were third. We actually solved the first message first (I helped!) at the beginning but we went the wrong way. Then when we got to the second station, we couldn't find our message. We thought the groups before us had hid it but then found out that nope, the HT had just forgotten about us. I helped solve a few messages so I'm glad. There were some idiots and really annoying people during the Big Game but, whatever, I don't care.

I BSed the final test. O well. Lolz.

Overall it was fine. Everyone in my group were pretty nice. I liked Tina's group, they were really united. My group was overall OK. I was surprised they added me on FB. I added Jimmy because I wanted to see the pictures he took, but then other people added me so it was cool. Lolz.

I heard that after DHNS there was some drama between the Dong Nam guys and our guys, mainly C.H., which I think is lame. So if ever we had to represent, I'd probably show no mercy. Lolz. But good gracious, honestly the guys in Dong Nam are so much hotter and cuter than the Trung Dong guys. Haha. Ok, yea.

Then on the ride home we played cards, slept...listened to music...made a MickyD's think we were about to rob them because C.H. is an idiot and ordered 100 Chicken Nuggets. Lolz. Overall, it was a pretty good trip.

Now I guess all I have to do is finish my after camp homework...which will take at least 3 months. And then I get my red scarf? Hopefully. And then that's it. I heard that once you get to Cap II, you can take on positions. So I said, heck no I'm not going to take on any positions. And they told me, you don't choose them honey, they choose YOU! It was kind of like a threat. So to excuse myself from all that, I'll try to stay as far away as possible from future trainings. I kinda wanna go back to GA to see everyone but, I'm sure they wouldn't even remember me in a year. Lolz. So let's see how long I can hold out for.


So I just finished watching this Taiwanese drama called Fated to Love You. Actually, I more or less skimmed through it. Lolz. At least I got the basic gist. For some reason yesterday, I thought about it at work while listening to this random Vietnamese song called Chuyen Hoa Tigon, and the two things have nothing to do with each other and I remember thinking to myself, I wish I felt something.

I wish that there was a guy who would take my face in his hands and tell me not to cry. Tell me that I was something more than just some girl. I wish there was a guy who got annoyed when I cried. Annoyed because I was hurting, not because I cry like a baby, not because I'm weak. I wish there was a guy who volunteered to help, to take me places. Someone who could just look at me and know what I was up to. Someone I could look at slyly and who knew I was up to no good, who knew that I'm staring at him intently because I'm planning on pranking him while he's sleeping or stealing the sweater he's wearing, but then not caring because he likes me so he'll let me do whatever. I wish there was someone who just understood me.

It's not just love. I want to feel heartbreak. I want to experience it, I don't care how many times. I'm so jaded, it's not even funny. And it's not because I've been through so many relationships and I've been hurt so many times and blah blah blah, because I haven't been through any real relationships and I haven't been hurt that many times. It's because I haven't been in relationships and that I haven't been hurt that makes me feel like I'll never feel anything. It might sound crazy, but I want to feel a broken heart. Because even if it's pain, at least I'm feeling something. If the only way I feel anything aside from coldness and sadness, even if it means getting my heart completely torn and broken, I'll take it. I just don't want to keep feeling nothing.

Before, I didn't care. Hell, I sat through that whole series, Meteor Garden or whatever, when I was younger. I think I was in high school. And yes, I wished my life was like that. I didn't wish that the love story was the same, I just wished I had a bunch of cool older guy friends who treated me like their younger sister. Lolz. But then again, the people in the series were college kids, I think. They weren't my age. I thought I had time, I didn't care. But now I'm at about the same age as that portrayed in the dramas. And I know it's silly, I know I'm still young, I should have tons of time, but I feel as if by now I would've been broken out of my sleep and I should be starting to feel things. A little love, a little confusion, a little heartbreak, anything. But I feel nothing.

I know I know, how silly. To want to feel something that the whole world tries to avoid just because of some drama. And the drama wasn't even that good!

Life doesn't suck. I'm stressed. It could be better. But I'm fine with it. Everything is just "OK" all the time. I just want to feel something.

Mother told me that some fortune teller, who apparently is very accurate, even though we're Catholic and we shouldn't believe in such things, foretold that my life will be very good. I will be successful (?) and will be married to an equally successful husband. But I don't care! That isn't happening now! I want to feel something now! When I'm not feeling an intense something, I feel lost. Like something should be going on but nothing is.

Sure I can spend my time looking at people, checking people out, but I'm tired of that.

Is it silly that I wish for heartbreak? Love would be great, but I know that love isn't always sincere. And even if it were, it won't be forever.

I just feel kind of sad, is all. I wish that a boy would make me cry. That someone told me they didn't love me. Because then at least I would cry. I'd get over it but at least for a little bit I would be feeling something other than lonliness.

It's probably just a phase. But honestly, if I have to stop myself from watching dramas because the love and the heartbreak would depress me then, something's wrong. Maybe I'm just tired of living in a daze. I'm busy all the time but nothing happens. I talk to a lot of people but I don't hear anything. I kind of live through life like one big....dream? Cliche, I know. But that's how it is. I'm not...depressed...I don't think. Not yet, Lolz. I just feel..................................

Empty. Or...Void. Yea. That.

It must be a phase because I'm usually not like this. I'm the kind of girl who doesn't need to call her boyfriend for help. Who can change the car tires herself. Who, by the time her boyfriend finds out she even had a flat tire, will have already fixed it, cleaned herself up and gone to get ice cream. I'm the kind of girl who doesn't care what her boyfriend does, ever. Who doesn't care if he sleeps around as long as she's the main woman in his life. As long as he's sincere to her, puts her first, he can do whatever the hell else he wants in his spare time. Which would be all the time because I'm the kind of girl who's not needy. I'm the kind of girl who is probably very easy to hurt but very hard to break. I'm the kind who won't care what my boyfriend does ever, as long as he's a decent person and he loves me the most. Is that hard? Does that make me abnormal? Too complicated? I think it's rather simple to understand but, I guess not.

I don't know why I'm feeling so empty and void. I mean, I am all the time, empty and void. But this time it's deeper than usual. I'm not usually like this, I usually just accept it and move on but, this time the void hurts just a little bit extra.

Well, for the sake of other people, I hope I snap out of it soon. No more dramas for me!

So I'm worried about school starting. Hee. That's all. You think that has something to do with it? Eh, probably not...aside from the fact that at school I'll be faced with so many guys and more proof that no one will ever take my face in their hands. But otherwise...hermmm...

Ok I'm sorry. That was extremely mushy and unlike me but, it happens sometimes so, sorry but deal with it!

Chya ne!

do it now. you don't have tomorrow & you don't have y/e/s/t/e/r/d/a/y. do it now.

OK, so, this one day I went to...I don't know why my font is all weird but OK....

I went to CVS and this neighbor was sitting outside the store. She calls me over and I talk to her for a little bit and she asks me for $2. So of course, $2, I would gladly give it to her. But then I realize that she hadn't said $2....she said and asked for $20! Which is a lot more than $2. And by that time I'd already opened my purse and you could see my money and I did have a $20 so...I gave it to her. Then she wasted about 10 more minutes while talking to me about how she loved my dad and how she'd watch him drive around in his scooter in the mornings and I'm just she'd said that she need that money for the whole time I'm thinking...::Why are you still talking...shouldn't you be getting your medicine then?::, but I didn't say anything out loud.

Then, a few days later, Otouto comes home from intern-ing, I guess it was, and she stops him and asks him if I was home. Of course I was. But Otouto, because he is a genius, tells her that he wasn't sure and that he'd check, and that if no one came down in 5 minutes, it meant I wasn't home. So of course he comes up and tells me this and I refuse to go downstairs because I knew she just wanted to ask for more money.

So then, Saturday night, Mother is making her eggrolls in the living room and I'm in my room and allofasudden Otouto runs in and goes "She's here! The fat lady's here!" And of course it takes me awhile to process, but then I start to freak out. WTF does she want? She can't be trying to pay me back because even though when she borrowed the money she said she'd pay me back, I had told her not to worry about it, mainly because I didn't want her giving it to me in front of Mother and then Mother getting pissed. But anyway, the lady just would not leave, so I go outside, open the door, and she beackons me out. This is the part in the horror movies where any sane person would yell at the main character for being an idiot because, get this, I stepped outside. I kept my grip on the door handle though, and I could see that Otouto was standing there. So then...the lady asks me for money again. Another $20. I tell her I don't have anything. And I thought that was that. But no, she goes "Well, do you think your mom might have some money?" And so I go back in to ask and immediately Mother goes "NO!" So I go back out to tell the lady. And I guess she asks again if I had any and I go "No, I haven't gone to the bank yet." And so she goes..."Well, do you think you'll have it tomorrow?" And I go..."Um...I'm not sure, depends on if I go to the bank." And so she goes, "Well, just come see me if you do have it."

THEN! No...we're not done yet....

A few days later I rush into the building and was too scared to run past her apartment so I shoot straight for the elevator. As I'm waiting for the elevator, she jumps out of her house and goes "BOO!" I'm not even freakin kidding! And so I jump and the elevator comes and she goes in with me and some other dude. So she goes "So have you thought about it?" And I'm just like..."About what...?" And then I realize, O about the money! And so I go..."Yea but I don't have any cash. I honestly only have about $30 in the bank right now." Which was true. So then she goes "Girl, what am I going to do with you?" But I guess in a "playful" tone? Then, get this, she grabs my arm, pulls me to her and attemps to hit my butt! I KNOWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!! We weren't the only people in the elevator either, there were like, one or two other guys and they just kinda looked awkward. Then she asks me if she could borrow $10, and I had to repeat that I didn't have any cash on me at all. So we get to my floor and she steps out with me and she goes "What am I gonna do with you?" And I go "IDK, pray that my boss pays me soon?" I don't know how I managed to keep a playful tone because I was freaking out so much inside!

So by this time I'm like...OMG do I owe her money or something? Did I borrow hundreds of dollars from her and not remember? Because she's acting like a loan shark and I'm the person who loaned money from her. Except that she's not a loan shark, I didn't loan any money from her, and in actuality it's her borrowing money from me!

Anyway, one day Reed comes to play games at my house. And I tell him. So he plans with me that we were going to go down to her apartment to end it once and for all. He gives me...$20? I think, and I have my $10, and we go down there once or twice, maybe three times but no one ever opens the door. It was kind of funny because we told Otouto that if we didn't come back in two minutes, he was to come down and say that I had a phone call or something. So he kept running down after us and hiding at the end of the hallway to wait for my signaling him to come save us, but she was never there. Then, the last time we did it as Otouto and I were walking Reed out. This time I was completely unprepared but she turned out to be home. So I nervously told her that this was all the money I had and I won't be able to give her anymore for awhile. I wasn't supposed to give a time frame but I did because I was nervous and I forgot. Then she said she'd pay me back and all that. But of course that hasn't happened and I don't care.

It was kind of funny because, she'd been after me for money like I owed her money or something. A random person looking in would have thought that I'd borrowed money from a loan shark and she was collecting, but in reality it was her asking me to let her borrow money! Then the night I came down to give her $30, which is more than she asks for, as an action to end it all, I'm standing there at the door with two big, tall guys, like a loan shark coming by to ask for their money back! A random person looking in then would have thought I was a loan shark demanding my money back but in actuality I came down to give her money!

How twisted is that????

But ever since then she hasn't asked for any money. She hasn't paid back the $30 either but I don't care.

Although, the other day a few weeks ago, months maybe, she did ask if I could drive her somewhere but I said that Mother needed me to stay home because someone was coming over to pick something up, so I didn't drive her.

IDK Why I was afraid of her. I didn't owe her anything. I'm not a genuinely nice person. Who knows, maybe I'm just selling myself short but, I think I gave her money and I was afraid of her because I thought that if I didn't give her money, she'd die or something! And it'd be my fault! One day Otouto came and told me that when he walked by her apartment she was sitting on the floor and was surrounded by cops. So I was like "OMG WHAT IF SHE DIES HER GHOST WILL HAUNT ME!!!"

Geezuz I'm such a spazz.

Haha....but anyway...the experience made me realize even more how much I dislike needy people. I'm kind of strict and critical and kind of mean when it comes to independence. I probably mentioned this before, but I was forced to grow up extremely early. So part of me still wants to be a child, part of me thinks that you should be a kid for as long as possible. Then the other part wants to grow up, the other part feels that at a certain age, you just have to take responsibility for your actions and your life and your choices, and man, or woman, up! That's why I dislike it when Mother tells me that I should teach Otouto how to do the bills. Why? Why should I teach him? He's only in high school. I haven't died. I'm not sick. I'm not going to disappear. I learned it because I was forced to, and although I'm good with it and all, I still wish sometimes that I didn't have to do it. So why force Otouto to do the bills when he doesn't need to? He's still a teen. Let him do teen things. I willingly take on a lot of responsibility so that Otouto doesn't have to, because he shouldn't have to. Now, once he gets to say...19...20...21 maybe...We baby him a little too much....but once he gets to that age, I expect that he will learn how to take care of himself. I'll force him to do bills then. I'll make him cook then. Because at that age and after, you're not a child anymore. Yes, be carefree, be nonchalant, be happy and cheerful. But be all that while being grown up. Be carefree, be nonchalant, be happy, be cheerful AS WELL AS intelligent and wise and understanding and responsible. I expect at least that much out of people. So I get really annoyed when people aren't like that. And as a relatively grown up person, if I do say so myself, I put up with it, but that doesn't mean it doesn't piss me off.

So anyway, I guess my main point was, I kind of know how people who take loans from loan sharks feel, at least a little bit. And, grow up!


This is kind of a musing...right?

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

the end of boring titles!

MY HAMSTER DIED?????!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Monday, August 10, 2009

strapya world - disappointing

My stuff from Stapya-World came last week and I was so disappointed. It took the glue two days to dry, and not even totally. And all the items are so tiny!!!

I had the worst experience with customer service yesterday. That lady shouldn't be allowed near a phone, ever!

I still don't have internet and I'm getting even more pissed at Comcast.

Phoo! I needa find some horror films to bring along to Geoooooorgiaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, August 6, 2009

no titled

For some reason my last two posts (the previous post and this current one that you are reading) have a LOT of curse words. Well...a few. But I didn't try to ****** them out so, be forewarned.

Photobucket I guess I lied. I'm not getting internet at home until SUNDAY!!! SUNDAYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!! Dammit. Lolz.

We coulda gotten our internet today, everything was going fine, until yesterday the office of my apartment complex sends out a notice saying that they are re-painting the parking lot today and there can't be any cars on the lot. They won't be done until 6PM! Which means I can't go home until 6PM because there is just NO WHERE else to park! And of course, I have a feeling they won't like it very much if all of a sudden a Comcast truck drives into the parking lot as they're painting. was kinda raining this morning so Mother thought that they wouldn't paint, but I called them to check and they will paint. Mannnnnn, watch, Imma go home at 6PM, they won't have painted the parking lot because it was too wet, and they moved the painting date to Sunday or something so that I'll never get internet!

Argh, I hate this place. We need a house!!!

So anyway, this training thing in Georgia is being a bitch. It's so funny how once I actually get to the trainings, it's usually fine, but all the work I have to do before even going is a pain, because of the stupid people putting the event/trip together. We're supposed to meet at church...but now A.Pg is telling us that we're going to meet "somewhere near" IAD (Dulles Airport I think). Because, I don't know why he'd think that'd be easier for anyone. So he expects me to drive my car to C.H.'s house...and leave it there all weekend. First off, I don't know C.H.'s parents...and I'm pretty positive that A.Pg didn't ask them if I could park my car at their house all weekend. So, if I do park at their house, I will have to either 1) call them, or 2) go in and talk to them once I'm actually there. But whichever it is, I'll have to talk to them to ask them if I can park there. WHY? WHY the hell damn can't I just drive to church? It's so much easier for all the girls if A.Pg had us meet at church. It's one, central location, everyone knows where it is, no one has to Mapquest it or go out of their way to get there. You would think that if they wanted us to go that badly, they'll try their hardest to make it easier for all of us, but no! They make it as hard as possible for us to go! I'm so annoyed with them, all the freakin time! I plan on probably just...once I can actually meet up with them, get in the car and find myself a nice window seat in the back, open up my laptop or my dvd player (whichever I bring), watch my movie, read my book, sleep, all the way there. Then once I get there I'm probably only going to talk to the girls (Thuy and Tina and stuff) and probably just ignore A.Pg and C.H., do my best so I won't have to go to another training like it, then on the way home, do what I did on the way there. Makes my life, and everyone's lives, easier the least amount of contact I have with them.

ARGH! Ok anyway...........Lolz........You know what would make me extreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeemmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmely happy right now....?

If my stuff from Strapya World would come!!! But they haven't yet and that kinda sucks. Lolz.


So I've decided I should probably go study abroad. I mean, I do want to, it's just, I'm kinda anxious of all the paperwork. Once I get back to school, I will have 1 month to figure everything out, financial aid, which program, my classes. I'll have 1 month to do all that. So...starting next week, once I get my internet back and maybe buy a new printer (Staples doesn't fix printers! Go figure!) I'll get started on researching all the programs. And study abroad scholarships and shizz. So that once I get back to school, I'll have a binder/folder full of information and the advisors won't be able to screw me over!

Here's where I'm thinking...

1) Asia: China or Japan

I really wanna go because those places are so cool. And...I'm totally sure that I will not be disconnected from the world when I'm there. There has got to be cyber cafes everywhere in the major cities of China and Japan, and although they might cost money, the currency exchange thingy is in my favor, I think. Problem...I don't speak Chinese or Japanese. Now...I'm taking Chinese this semester, but that's not enough to get me anywhere. There is an internship abroad program for China and they don't require you to be fluent in Chinese, but if I want to get around then I'll have to know at least something. There aren't too many programs in Japan as is, and finding one with no Japanese language requirement seems almost impossible. Also, going to these places won't help my degree much. I guess I could somehow get my Asia Minor out of the way...maybe both the Minor and the Concentration, but I don't see that happening. And that isn't the hard minor anyway.

2) France

I speak French...enough to scream for help if I get raped. If I go to France, maybe I can get my French Minor out of the way. My French classes here are hard, so maybe taking classes in France lets me take care of my French Minor, at which point I can use whatever credit hours and hundreds of homework hours I was going to devote to French towards something Chinese. Lolz. Or something, some easy class that'll help my GPA. Idk about internet access in France (I'm only bringing this up because Reed is in Australia, and we all thought the internet thing would be fine and we'd be able to keep in touch that way, turns out internet is terrible over there. He only gets a few thingymajigers per day and the rest he has to pay for. Definitely not enough to keep sufficiently in touch). And you know me, I feel alone as it is being surrounded by people, I'll probably break down if I'm stuck in some country with no contact at all to Reed and Dolores and Otouto and stuff. Oy vayyyyyyyyyy. There are enough programs in France...and I guess maybe I can weasel my way into letting them finish my Minor over there...maybe...

3) Switzerland!

They speak English! So if I go there, maybe I'll be able to practice my French but NOT die because if worst comes to double worst, I'll at least be able to speak the other language. Lolz. And, I'd probably get in some international affairs classes towards my Major, although I doubt it because the classes I need for my Major are so particular. Well, maybe I'll be able to knock out the French classes in Switzerland too? I'm kinda unsure about the internet use. For some reason now I'm thinking that Europe is really behind the times on internet connecting. I know, Australia is not in Europe. But I mean, Australia is a developed country, and their internet is so bad, Europe is also a developed country so their internet might be terrible too. I know...Japan is also a developed country...but they're OBVIOUSLY more technologically advanced than Australia and Europe! at least I have the basics of where I want to go. Now I just have to search for programs, choose a few that I like, meet with the study abroad advisor to make sure I can even go to these programs, meet financial aid to see if they'll pay for it and other ways I can fund the trip, meet with the academic advisor to make sure I'm on track and to make my classes fit....dammit....

Well, Sara is also trying to get her studying abroad stuff together. Although she has about a year to do it and I have a month. O well...

Stapya World stuff WHERE AAAAAAAAAAAARE YOU???????

I'm not so worried about my GPA anymore. I mean...I'm kinda just convincing myself that it'll be OK if I stay around here for grad school. I'll move out to maybe a studio apartment in D.C....or Fairfax...or Arlington for goodness' sake. I can go back and forth between home and my apartment but I'll at least be by myself and not bothered. I kinda feel bad for Mother (I know!! She's been nice the past few days and it's getting to me!) I can put aside my pride for a little bit and go to Georgetown (if I can even get it!) Or go to George Washington. OR! I can even go to American U. They have their own International Affairs School, and I got in for undergrad, so...maybe. Heck shit, I might even put a bullet in my mouth, bite down on it, and go to George Mason for Grad School (This is my last back up choice). So I'm alright with the GPA thing not transferring. I just want to make sure I graduate on time and with at least a 3.5. Fingers freakin crossed!!!

STRAPYA WORLD!!!! ARGHHHH The stuff needs to coooooooomeeeee!!!


Chya ne!

P.S. So I read over the paragraph about the Georgia thing, and Keets is right, I sound kinda high-maintenance. And I'm sure that's what all the HT think also. But then when you think about high-maintenance, you think, "princess." And I definitely know better than to ask to be treated like a princess. So is trying to make things easier really being high-maintenance? There's a difference between "high-maintenance" and "too high-maintenance," I'm sure. I hope I'm just the first one. Either way, I don't care. I might sound like a snobby bitch about the issue, but I mean honestly, there are so much easier ways to do things that will make it easy for everyone involved. And yet somehow they always have to complicate the issue and make it a big mess so that I, who want just the simple things! turn out to be too high-maintenance. Fuck that!

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

too annoyed to find a decent post title.

Soooooooooo....................Awhile ago A.P. called me and told me that after VL and FSM did those performances for the 3PriestsOrdinationReception, C.V. wanted to reward us with an "event," ie. dinner, going to the movies, or something like that. After a bit of planning, A.P. and I concluded that a dinner/party would be sufficient. I didn't think going to the movies would be good because it'd be too hard to satisfy each group (boys, girls, parents, and C.V.). Going to Kings Dominion would be OK but A.P. was worried that C.V. would get tired, and I had a feeling that once again, people would split up. So we concluded that a dinner/party at A.P.'s house would be good. So he tells me that he'll talk to C.V. about it. A.P. also said that after the Companions (NS) did that St.Paul skit thing, C.V. had suggested something like this already, but A.P. was slow at making it happen. So he decided that he would mesh everything together. Make the dinner/party/whatever into an appreciation party for NS, VL, FSM as well as a big kick off to get the kids excited about coming back to TN. I had a feeling he would do that, but whatever. I thought it was inappropriate to mesh a party with another party, especially since FSM and VL do a lot more than the other NS, but then again, it wasn't my money or my place to ask for two separate parties, so whatever, I just let him do what he wanted.

Last week at practice I find out through some of the dancers that A.P. had sent out an email inviting all of NS to a lunch at some restaurant in Eden. Now, I don't expect to be invited to a NS event because, I'm not a HT in NS. In terms of NS, the only connection I have with them is that I'm a dancer in VL. So I thought that maybe A.P. did decide to make two separate "appreciation" parties and that the one at the restaurant was for thanking the NS only. So I was like, OK makes sense I wasn't invited. So on Monday I'm getting kinda nervous because the NS Lunch thing reminded me that he hadn't said anything about the FSM/VL party thing. So I call him and ask him about the Lunch. And he says that yes, the Lunch thing IS the party thing he was talking to me about on the phone awhile ago. So....

He planned the Appreciation Lunch and did not include me.

He claimed that he didn't have my email address, which is absurd since I know we've emailed each other before. Or OK, he doesn't have my email address, VL has our own email address group, which he is a part of, so why didn't he send an invite to that address? So basically he said that he wanted to invite all the kids first and then HT later, but thing is, I don't participate as a HT. I'm not a HT in NS, I'm a dancer in VL, that's my position. So if this is an appreciation lunch for VL, why didn't he invite all the VL dancers? And then whoever else he wants, later? So whatever, he went on and on about how he thinks I should be there (ya think??). Then he says that if I do go, I should bring my Mother. Which means that...Otouto is invited as a NS, and he's supposed to bring a parent. Telling ME to bring Mother means that A.P. didn't think Otouto would bring Mother. Which leads me to conclude that he might've thought that hopefully Otouto would bring ME as his "parent," therefore making me be there not as a dancer, not as a HT, but as a parent, which is different completely!

So later that day I'm ranting to Otouto, and as I'm ranting I realize something else....

Mai, Hien, and Ceci are also part of VL. They've been participating in all our big performances since earlier this year. But...they weren't invited to the lunch. What kind of appreciation lunch is this? An appreciation lunch to thank VL, but only half the VL dancers were invited?

So I called A.P. up and I was And he tells me that if he invites Mai, Hien, and Ceci, then he would have to ask their Nghanh Truong if the girls can come. And I wouldn't...because this is not a lunch for ALL TN performers...this is a lunch for NS, FSM, and VL. Mai, Hien, and Ceci would come as members of VL, not as people from Nghanh Thieu. So whatever whatever whatever. He didn't get it. He tells me that what he was going to do was he was GOING TO do something else for Mai, Hien, and Ceci. And I'm like "O? What were you going to do for them?" And he goes "I don't know." Of course I didn't believe him, he was spewing crap outta his mouth. He wasn't going to do jackshit for Mai, Hien, and Ceci and I knew it. So I'm like, " How do you think Mai, Hien, and Ceci are going to feel, when they worked just ask hard and practiced just as much as the other girls and yet the other girls were invited to an appreciation lunch when they weren't??!!" So at this point I was getting really pissed.

So then I brought up again the issue of him NOT emailing me an invite. Now, as I said before, if this was a lunch just for NS, I would not want to come. I'd maybe come as a chaparone for Otouto, because that's what I always do, but otherwise, I wouldn't come. Because I'm not in NS, nor am I a HT in NS. But, this was not only a lunch for NS, it was also a lunch for VL, and NOT all VL-ers are in NS! So A.P. should have invited the NS (and easliy FSM is made up of all NS so there's nothing big there) and then invited all the VL dancers.

Anyway, A.P. goes on and on about how he didn't have my email, or it was too hard to remember, his was easy to remember, whereas mine was all weird and he couldn't remember it, and I'm like BULL! I mean, OK fine, he doesn't have my email address, but wouldn't one of the other girls have it? He could've asked that someone, anyone, forward the invite to me (just earlier that day he'd sent out a completely unrelated email and asked that I be forward, at which Tina forwarded it to me). Or, Otouto! Otouto would have my email address. Heck, I wouldn't've minded if A.P. had just said "Insert Otouto's Real Name Here, tell your sister." That would've been fine with me! What I'm pissed at is that he didn't include me AT ALL! So what the FUCK am I in the dance group? Do I just happen to be there all the time? I just happen to dance? I just happen to act as the chaparone when he can't come? I'm just kinda there because I'm a stupid idiot who has nothing better to do? Like O...I don't know...I'm so clueless that I just prefer to put up with him and other HT and the girls (when they're pissy, at other times they are relatively good company) because I'd rather do that then say...practice my violin so I can join a real orchestra? Practice Wushu so I can actually go back to the Wushu School? Hang out with Dolores or Reed??

Anyway, I know better than to expect any appreciation from anyone at church, but to purposely exclude me is a little much, don't you think? So anyway, he claims that he just forgot, and that it wasn't intentional. But today while I was talking to Keets, I realize that it's always the same people that he accidently "forgets." Always, the same people!

And then he has the nerve to go on and say that he was going to send an email to the HT emailing group and ask HT to come, and specify that I'm a big, key part of VL and all that shit. And I literally said "I don't believe you! It's easy for you to say that now, but I don't believe you were actually GOING TO do it!" And of course that gets him all pissed off. And then, he goes on to say that at the actual lunch he was going to spotlight me and tell C.V. and tell A.Pg about what a key person I am and how much I do, and I'm like FUCK THAT! You would think that if he was actually going to do all this, you would think that he would let the person he was planning to "spotlight" KNOW that there was even a lunch happening!!

It's like he's always the LAST person to act! After I called Catherine up and bitched at her that one time, THEN he said that he was GOING TO talk to her but I did it first. He was GOING TO send out an email to me, he was GOING TO spotlight, but of course I get to it first, don't I? It's so easy for him to make me feel bad, he was a really good way of doing that!

So anyway, I told him that I didn't need him to tell C.V. and A.Pg shit, because I honestly don't give a crap. So to end it all I just asked him once and for all whether or not he was going to invite Mai, Hien, and Ceci, because that was the main reason I called him in the first place, it sorta just exploded into everything else. And he said that, "well, now after you explained it to me...I'll invite them." So then he sent out an email to the VL group address and asked for Mai, Hien, and Ceci's contact info, which I gave him.

But honestly, that day that he has the luncheon planned, is the day of the Lasan testing. So at 1, Otouto and I have to be at the Lasan place, which means we'll have to leave at around 12:30. He says Lunch is at 11AM, but you know, there are SO many freakin people involved, we won't actually sit down to order until 12, 11:30 at the earliest.

Before we hung up he said that even if I didn't believe him and all that shit, what he was planning to do won't change. So now, he'll kinda HAVE to send out an email thanking me and he'll HAVE to spotlight me at the Lunch. Because if he doesn't, he'll have lied straight out. And if he does, it's because he said he would, how am I to know that he actually planned to do it? And I don't plan on giving him benefit of the doubt because this happens all the damn time!

And, he also said that everytime he thanked the dance group before, he always emailed it to me too. But DUH! Obviously, because if he ever did leave me out, how the hell would I know? It wasn't emailed to me. And the girls and Otouto never tell me anything! And, the times he emailed out thanks and emailed it to me too, that was because he emailed it through the dance group's address, so it automatically goes to me too. Was that so hard?

Anyway, Keets doesn't think he probably purposely left me out, and it's just because it's the way he is. Which I agree. It's just the way he is. He favors boys, because he's a boy. No Lie. DHNS in 2005. The play we did featured ONLY boys. The only girl part in there was that of prostitutes (which he called just called "dancers) who's purpose was to act as temptation for the main character. The girls refused to do it so he had a boy do that part too. DNH the other year. He sent out an email thanking D.H. and someone else for helping him drive the kids to and from practice, but left out T, T.A., who also helped drive kids at times, and Me, who choreographed/taught the whole goddamn thing! In that email, he thanked NS, and not VL, so the thanking did not include me. So I had to send out an email thanking T. and T.A., but left myself out because, duh. And of course later he goes "O...yea..." O fuckin yea is fuckin right! He plans trips to amusement parks and shit for the Lion Dance team and FSM, but doesn't ask the girls if they want to go anywhere. Of course, after our over two years of being in the group, we ourselves had to plan our own little outing to the movies, which he LATER paid for. Of course, he always has an excuse for it. He's a boy, and it'd be inappropriate for him to hang out with the girls. So fine, take the boys to KD and go with them because he's a boy. Then ask the girls if they also want to go to KD and plan for a girl HT (Hey! I'm a girl! I'm a HT!) to take them. Shit, between me, T, and maybe even T.A., I think we can handle the girls. Or, if he doesn't trust that we can, ask the girls if they want to go to the waterpark. Or...anything! He only took action AFTER we planned an outing ourselves! Is he that clueless???

I sent him an apology text later that night. I realize that amongst the HT, he's the one who supports VL most financially. So to make sure that VL still gets support later on in life, I'm going to have to put up with him no matter how much he fuckin pisses me off.

I wonder though if I should even go to that lunch. I mean, like I said, Otouto and I have to be somewhere else by 1PM. But then again, I guess if I were to be...diplomatic about this...heh...I'd show up to represent VL, and to show that we, or I, because the girls never seem to get involved in my duelings with A.P., I'm kinda always on my own in that, they only make "O...What that sucks...That's not fair..." comments AFTER I've solved it. It kinda sucks when I'm the only one who has to deal with the unfairness. I mean, fine I'm the captain and that's my job but, sometimes it seems that all I ever do, or all I'm ever useful for! Anyway, sorry that was a random tangent...What was I saying...? O yea...I'd show up to show that I can get over shit like his messings up, no matter how many times he does it. And we do need money...and it is a free lunch. O well, I guess I might as well start being diplomatic now, for practice later on.

But still, he freakin pisses me off! Whatever.

ARGHHH!!! I hate TN! Bejeezuz lord fuckin nows that if I didn't love dancing and if I didn't like the girls enough, I'd have quit a long ass time ago. I gotta stop doing things for other people man, fuckin messes up my head.

Whatever, I guess the fact is I'll just have to put up with it and deal with. I won't be happy about it but have I ever been? Nope.

::sighs:: I just needed to rant.