Sunday, January 3, 2010

Friday, September 4, 2009

NEW BLOG!!!!! Address....

It's time to move on...

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

i forgot everythinggg!!!

Geezuz...I had a lot I wanted to write about but...I forgot what they were. The only thing I remember is first days of school. Whatever, later.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

ahreahreahre??? today I have to do these things:

- Paperwork
- Get ready for school
- Books
- Plan classes
- Make Mother's CD
- Make Mother's DVD
- Laundry
- Organize Clothes
- Organize Drawers
- Organize Closet

Among other things. WTF!

Monday, August 24, 2009

BEWARE! Creepy thing up next.
Did you ever see one of those videos where you are asked to look for, or follow a specific thing through out the video? Then, at the end, they reveal that as you were watching, something large and intrusive moved around in plain sight and you never even noticed it.

Its frightening how often that happens, like how I just moved from the doorway into your room as you read this.


I found a link to this site from a forum. And of course I had to check it out because...well it's called Creepy Pasta. That pretty much explains it all. I mainly read it at work, but yesterday I started to read it at home. Thank God I read the above one at work, because if I had read it at home, I would've started to cry like a baby.

The site is basically a bunch of short stories (ranging from a few lines to a few paragraphs) of really creepy (for lack of a better word) stuff.

Some of them were kinda cool in how scary/creepy they were, so I wanted to share. Lolz. Once I get home I will probably watch a nice anime and do a new post with food pictures, so as to try and get the images out of my head.

Check it out, if you dare!


That was weird. Hermmmm....I wonder if I should share my Mother storyyyy....

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

một mùa thu trước mỗi hoàng hôn, nhặt cánh hoa rơi chẳng biết buồn, nhuộm ánh trăng tà qua mái tóc, tôi chờ người đến với yêu thương

I just went through my collection of Random photos and...there's nothing I wanna use that would match this post! That means!!! I need to take more pictures.

OK! So Georgia. This trip was relatively good. In one van we fit Thao, Tina, Thuy, me, Thien An, C. Mai, A. Phat, A. Phong, and C.H. I know...that's a ton of people! But the van was pretty big, so it was nice. We stopped by Eden Center to buy a lot of food. The ride itself was just eating, sleeping, and watching The Omen. I don't know what the hype is about that movie, it wasn't scary at all! I had also rented Darkness Falls but we never got to it so I'm going to watch it tonight with Dolores. Lolz. So we get to Georgia and everything goes pretty fine. My group was nice. I don't think there were any mean people, just some stupid ones, but who cares. I was at first extremely attracted to this guy named Jimmy, because, well duh, 'cuz he was cute! But then we had a "sharing" moment that we had to do and I found out some things about him that was cool, like his motivation and why he's in TN and stuff. Compared to him, I'm just kinda normal, there. But anyway, he has kind of a bad boy vibe, which of course I'm attracted to. But then after being in his group for awhile, I realize he wasn't that great. He's kind of an idiot sometimes but, it's not something that's major. I feel as if, if he and I were friends, I'd probably be really sarcastic to him. And I wouldn't say that we'd argue a lot but, we would probably get annoyed with each other a lot. But anyway, there was also this other guy in our group. He was cute too. But he was quiet, and really nice. Kind of flirty nice, if you know what I mean. There was also this other guy, not in our group. He looked like a badass. Mohawk, not the shaved on both sides kind, his hair was just parted like a mohawk. Tattoo!!! We noticed him because during the pretest, he came over and asked if he could join us. Lolz. But anyway, Thuy and I talked to him a bit during one of the lessons, because we sat in the back. It was nice. He was really nice. Lolz. He added me on Facebook but he has a girlfriend. Of course, that wouldn't stop me usually, but it also doesn't help that he lives in Georgia. Lolz!

So the big points. I was extremely worried about teaching my lesson. We were supposed to have 10 minutes but they only gave us 5-7. I started mine and I thought I had so much time left, but then the HT in charge had to tell me I was out of time. Then he gave me an extra 2 minutes, but I knew I wouldn't be able to finish everything in time so I just stopped. Anyway, apparently I did really well. I was glad. The HTs that were watching us to critique us said that I reminded them of someone else from California, I guess she's good? And then one of them said that if I continue regularly with TN, in another 1, 2 years I'd be....I guess he couldn't find a word for it because he just gave me a bunch of thumbs ups. Lolz. But as he gave me the thumbs up, the kids in my group yelled out DOAN TRUONG DOAN TRUONG! Which was kinda awkward because A. Phong was sitting right next to us and he's our current Doan Truong. Lolz. But about A. Phong, I knew he was sitting there to watch me! HMPH! Anyway, the ppl in my group also liked my confidence and enthusiasm. Which is funny because I actually seem more confident when I'm really nervous. Heck knows that when I got up there I could feel my voice was about to crack but, for some reason that translates into smiles and laughs and cheeriness. Lolz. So anyway, the teaching thing went well.

The Big Game, went OK. We were third. We actually solved the first message first (I helped!) at the beginning but we went the wrong way. Then when we got to the second station, we couldn't find our message. We thought the groups before us had hid it but then found out that nope, the HT had just forgotten about us. I helped solve a few messages so I'm glad. There were some idiots and really annoying people during the Big Game but, whatever, I don't care.

I BSed the final test. O well. Lolz.

Overall it was fine. Everyone in my group were pretty nice. I liked Tina's group, they were really united. My group was overall OK. I was surprised they added me on FB. I added Jimmy because I wanted to see the pictures he took, but then other people added me so it was cool. Lolz.

I heard that after DHNS there was some drama between the Dong Nam guys and our guys, mainly C.H., which I think is lame. So if ever we had to represent, I'd probably show no mercy. Lolz. But good gracious, honestly the guys in Dong Nam are so much hotter and cuter than the Trung Dong guys. Haha. Ok, yea.

Then on the ride home we played cards, slept...listened to music...made a MickyD's think we were about to rob them because C.H. is an idiot and ordered 100 Chicken Nuggets. Lolz. Overall, it was a pretty good trip.

Now I guess all I have to do is finish my after camp homework...which will take at least 3 months. And then I get my red scarf? Hopefully. And then that's it. I heard that once you get to Cap II, you can take on positions. So I said, heck no I'm not going to take on any positions. And they told me, you don't choose them honey, they choose YOU! It was kind of like a threat. So to excuse myself from all that, I'll try to stay as far away as possible from future trainings. I kinda wanna go back to GA to see everyone but, I'm sure they wouldn't even remember me in a year. Lolz. So let's see how long I can hold out for.


So I just finished watching this Taiwanese drama called Fated to Love You. Actually, I more or less skimmed through it. Lolz. At least I got the basic gist. For some reason yesterday, I thought about it at work while listening to this random Vietnamese song called Chuyen Hoa Tigon, and the two things have nothing to do with each other and I remember thinking to myself, I wish I felt something.

I wish that there was a guy who would take my face in his hands and tell me not to cry. Tell me that I was something more than just some girl. I wish there was a guy who got annoyed when I cried. Annoyed because I was hurting, not because I cry like a baby, not because I'm weak. I wish there was a guy who volunteered to help, to take me places. Someone who could just look at me and know what I was up to. Someone I could look at slyly and who knew I was up to no good, who knew that I'm staring at him intently because I'm planning on pranking him while he's sleeping or stealing the sweater he's wearing, but then not caring because he likes me so he'll let me do whatever. I wish there was someone who just understood me.

It's not just love. I want to feel heartbreak. I want to experience it, I don't care how many times. I'm so jaded, it's not even funny. And it's not because I've been through so many relationships and I've been hurt so many times and blah blah blah, because I haven't been through any real relationships and I haven't been hurt that many times. It's because I haven't been in relationships and that I haven't been hurt that makes me feel like I'll never feel anything. It might sound crazy, but I want to feel a broken heart. Because even if it's pain, at least I'm feeling something. If the only way I feel anything aside from coldness and sadness, even if it means getting my heart completely torn and broken, I'll take it. I just don't want to keep feeling nothing.

Before, I didn't care. Hell, I sat through that whole series, Meteor Garden or whatever, when I was younger. I think I was in high school. And yes, I wished my life was like that. I didn't wish that the love story was the same, I just wished I had a bunch of cool older guy friends who treated me like their younger sister. Lolz. But then again, the people in the series were college kids, I think. They weren't my age. I thought I had time, I didn't care. But now I'm at about the same age as that portrayed in the dramas. And I know it's silly, I know I'm still young, I should have tons of time, but I feel as if by now I would've been broken out of my sleep and I should be starting to feel things. A little love, a little confusion, a little heartbreak, anything. But I feel nothing.

I know I know, how silly. To want to feel something that the whole world tries to avoid just because of some drama. And the drama wasn't even that good!

Life doesn't suck. I'm stressed. It could be better. But I'm fine with it. Everything is just "OK" all the time. I just want to feel something.

Mother told me that some fortune teller, who apparently is very accurate, even though we're Catholic and we shouldn't believe in such things, foretold that my life will be very good. I will be successful (?) and will be married to an equally successful husband. But I don't care! That isn't happening now! I want to feel something now! When I'm not feeling an intense something, I feel lost. Like something should be going on but nothing is.

Sure I can spend my time looking at people, checking people out, but I'm tired of that.

Is it silly that I wish for heartbreak? Love would be great, but I know that love isn't always sincere. And even if it were, it won't be forever.

I just feel kind of sad, is all. I wish that a boy would make me cry. That someone told me they didn't love me. Because then at least I would cry. I'd get over it but at least for a little bit I would be feeling something other than lonliness.

It's probably just a phase. But honestly, if I have to stop myself from watching dramas because the love and the heartbreak would depress me then, something's wrong. Maybe I'm just tired of living in a daze. I'm busy all the time but nothing happens. I talk to a lot of people but I don't hear anything. I kind of live through life like one big....dream? Cliche, I know. But that's how it is. I'm not...depressed...I don't think. Not yet, Lolz. I just feel..................................

Empty. Or...Void. Yea. That.

It must be a phase because I'm usually not like this. I'm the kind of girl who doesn't need to call her boyfriend for help. Who can change the car tires herself. Who, by the time her boyfriend finds out she even had a flat tire, will have already fixed it, cleaned herself up and gone to get ice cream. I'm the kind of girl who doesn't care what her boyfriend does, ever. Who doesn't care if he sleeps around as long as she's the main woman in his life. As long as he's sincere to her, puts her first, he can do whatever the hell else he wants in his spare time. Which would be all the time because I'm the kind of girl who's not needy. I'm the kind of girl who is probably very easy to hurt but very hard to break. I'm the kind who won't care what my boyfriend does ever, as long as he's a decent person and he loves me the most. Is that hard? Does that make me abnormal? Too complicated? I think it's rather simple to understand but, I guess not.

I don't know why I'm feeling so empty and void. I mean, I am all the time, empty and void. But this time it's deeper than usual. I'm not usually like this, I usually just accept it and move on but, this time the void hurts just a little bit extra.

Well, for the sake of other people, I hope I snap out of it soon. No more dramas for me!

So I'm worried about school starting. Hee. That's all. You think that has something to do with it? Eh, probably not...aside from the fact that at school I'll be faced with so many guys and more proof that no one will ever take my face in their hands. But otherwise...hermmm...

Ok I'm sorry. That was extremely mushy and unlike me but, it happens sometimes so, sorry but deal with it!

Chya ne!

do it now. you don't have tomorrow & you don't have y/e/s/t/e/r/d/a/y. do it now.

OK, so, this one day I went to...I don't know why my font is all weird but OK....

I went to CVS and this neighbor was sitting outside the store. She calls me over and I talk to her for a little bit and she asks me for $2. So of course, $2, I would gladly give it to her. But then I realize that she hadn't said $2....she said and asked for $20! Which is a lot more than $2. And by that time I'd already opened my purse and you could see my money and I did have a $20 so...I gave it to her. Then she wasted about 10 more minutes while talking to me about how she loved my dad and how she'd watch him drive around in his scooter in the mornings and I'm just she'd said that she need that money for the whole time I'm thinking...::Why are you still talking...shouldn't you be getting your medicine then?::, but I didn't say anything out loud.

Then, a few days later, Otouto comes home from intern-ing, I guess it was, and she stops him and asks him if I was home. Of course I was. But Otouto, because he is a genius, tells her that he wasn't sure and that he'd check, and that if no one came down in 5 minutes, it meant I wasn't home. So of course he comes up and tells me this and I refuse to go downstairs because I knew she just wanted to ask for more money.

So then, Saturday night, Mother is making her eggrolls in the living room and I'm in my room and allofasudden Otouto runs in and goes "She's here! The fat lady's here!" And of course it takes me awhile to process, but then I start to freak out. WTF does she want? She can't be trying to pay me back because even though when she borrowed the money she said she'd pay me back, I had told her not to worry about it, mainly because I didn't want her giving it to me in front of Mother and then Mother getting pissed. But anyway, the lady just would not leave, so I go outside, open the door, and she beackons me out. This is the part in the horror movies where any sane person would yell at the main character for being an idiot because, get this, I stepped outside. I kept my grip on the door handle though, and I could see that Otouto was standing there. So then...the lady asks me for money again. Another $20. I tell her I don't have anything. And I thought that was that. But no, she goes "Well, do you think your mom might have some money?" And so I go back in to ask and immediately Mother goes "NO!" So I go back out to tell the lady. And I guess she asks again if I had any and I go "No, I haven't gone to the bank yet." And so she goes..."Well, do you think you'll have it tomorrow?" And I go..."Um...I'm not sure, depends on if I go to the bank." And so she goes, "Well, just come see me if you do have it."

THEN! No...we're not done yet....

A few days later I rush into the building and was too scared to run past her apartment so I shoot straight for the elevator. As I'm waiting for the elevator, she jumps out of her house and goes "BOO!" I'm not even freakin kidding! And so I jump and the elevator comes and she goes in with me and some other dude. So she goes "So have you thought about it?" And I'm just like..."About what...?" And then I realize, O about the money! And so I go..."Yea but I don't have any cash. I honestly only have about $30 in the bank right now." Which was true. So then she goes "Girl, what am I going to do with you?" But I guess in a "playful" tone? Then, get this, she grabs my arm, pulls me to her and attemps to hit my butt! I KNOWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!! We weren't the only people in the elevator either, there were like, one or two other guys and they just kinda looked awkward. Then she asks me if she could borrow $10, and I had to repeat that I didn't have any cash on me at all. So we get to my floor and she steps out with me and she goes "What am I gonna do with you?" And I go "IDK, pray that my boss pays me soon?" I don't know how I managed to keep a playful tone because I was freaking out so much inside!

So by this time I'm like...OMG do I owe her money or something? Did I borrow hundreds of dollars from her and not remember? Because she's acting like a loan shark and I'm the person who loaned money from her. Except that she's not a loan shark, I didn't loan any money from her, and in actuality it's her borrowing money from me!

Anyway, one day Reed comes to play games at my house. And I tell him. So he plans with me that we were going to go down to her apartment to end it once and for all. He gives me...$20? I think, and I have my $10, and we go down there once or twice, maybe three times but no one ever opens the door. It was kind of funny because we told Otouto that if we didn't come back in two minutes, he was to come down and say that I had a phone call or something. So he kept running down after us and hiding at the end of the hallway to wait for my signaling him to come save us, but she was never there. Then, the last time we did it as Otouto and I were walking Reed out. This time I was completely unprepared but she turned out to be home. So I nervously told her that this was all the money I had and I won't be able to give her anymore for awhile. I wasn't supposed to give a time frame but I did because I was nervous and I forgot. Then she said she'd pay me back and all that. But of course that hasn't happened and I don't care.

It was kind of funny because, she'd been after me for money like I owed her money or something. A random person looking in would have thought that I'd borrowed money from a loan shark and she was collecting, but in reality it was her asking me to let her borrow money! Then the night I came down to give her $30, which is more than she asks for, as an action to end it all, I'm standing there at the door with two big, tall guys, like a loan shark coming by to ask for their money back! A random person looking in then would have thought I was a loan shark demanding my money back but in actuality I came down to give her money!

How twisted is that????

But ever since then she hasn't asked for any money. She hasn't paid back the $30 either but I don't care.

Although, the other day a few weeks ago, months maybe, she did ask if I could drive her somewhere but I said that Mother needed me to stay home because someone was coming over to pick something up, so I didn't drive her.

IDK Why I was afraid of her. I didn't owe her anything. I'm not a genuinely nice person. Who knows, maybe I'm just selling myself short but, I think I gave her money and I was afraid of her because I thought that if I didn't give her money, she'd die or something! And it'd be my fault! One day Otouto came and told me that when he walked by her apartment she was sitting on the floor and was surrounded by cops. So I was like "OMG WHAT IF SHE DIES HER GHOST WILL HAUNT ME!!!"

Geezuz I'm such a spazz.

Haha....but anyway...the experience made me realize even more how much I dislike needy people. I'm kind of strict and critical and kind of mean when it comes to independence. I probably mentioned this before, but I was forced to grow up extremely early. So part of me still wants to be a child, part of me thinks that you should be a kid for as long as possible. Then the other part wants to grow up, the other part feels that at a certain age, you just have to take responsibility for your actions and your life and your choices, and man, or woman, up! That's why I dislike it when Mother tells me that I should teach Otouto how to do the bills. Why? Why should I teach him? He's only in high school. I haven't died. I'm not sick. I'm not going to disappear. I learned it because I was forced to, and although I'm good with it and all, I still wish sometimes that I didn't have to do it. So why force Otouto to do the bills when he doesn't need to? He's still a teen. Let him do teen things. I willingly take on a lot of responsibility so that Otouto doesn't have to, because he shouldn't have to. Now, once he gets to say...19...20...21 maybe...We baby him a little too much....but once he gets to that age, I expect that he will learn how to take care of himself. I'll force him to do bills then. I'll make him cook then. Because at that age and after, you're not a child anymore. Yes, be carefree, be nonchalant, be happy and cheerful. But be all that while being grown up. Be carefree, be nonchalant, be happy, be cheerful AS WELL AS intelligent and wise and understanding and responsible. I expect at least that much out of people. So I get really annoyed when people aren't like that. And as a relatively grown up person, if I do say so myself, I put up with it, but that doesn't mean it doesn't piss me off.

So anyway, I guess my main point was, I kind of know how people who take loans from loan sharks feel, at least a little bit. And, grow up!


This is kind of a musing...right?

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

the end of boring titles!

MY HAMSTER DIED?????!!!!!!!!!!!!!